Ok what else.

I got a new piercing (lip) as shown above, which has made me reaaaaaally want my septum done but I know my family would cry like babies..

I’m kind of realising that just ‘taking each day as it comes’ is more possible than I thought (SOMETIMES).

My only real worries are money (or lack of it), how the fuck I’m gonna pack all my clothes and my cat for Scotland:S, where I’m gonna live, what job I’m gonna get, and pretty much what the best chapter has to hold!

And I mis getting new clothes all the time I am so sick of mine it’s unreal.

Peace & love

Also ‘stuck in love’ is my new favourite film…

  08:05 pm, by lydiadavies

it’s been a while…

So I thought it is about time i write a proper life update. 

For the past month I have been searching for work in order to support myself till my time in Brighton comes to an end (next month!!!)…

Since last July / August, my life has completely changed.  Choosing to move to Brighton with my best friend, was by far one of the best decisions I ever made.  We have had some amazing times living together, and so much fun its ridiculous.  I was extremely lucky to get to live with her and we’ve created awesome memories to keep forever.

This decision I made brought me everything I thought it would, and so much more.  I got my independence back, I relaxed, I pushed further with my recovery, and essentially; rediscovered life.  I have sort of found myself again, and managed to create a relatively firm grip with the real me, without the illness - which is amazing.  

 I thought all of these things were possible, but I did not think it possible for me to find the person I was meant to find - and crazily enough, I did.  I am so excited for the future, and all the places to go, all the things to do, and all the things to learn.  

Next month I will be moving to Scotland, which will be extremely different from here - but Brighton has definitely served its purpose in my life for now.  It brought me the freedom I so desired, and it will always have a special place in my heart.  

In other news, a contract has been signed for my book ‘RAW’ to be released as an e-book.  Of course I am extremely excited for this as it is almost a year since I completed the writing of it.  These things take a long time to fully come together though, so I am patiently waiting (but watch this space).  

I will continue this in another post later, as I need a break to think about all that has happened……………………

06:51 pm, by lydiadavies

You remind me of Helena Bonham Carter... I love her :p


:)

04:34 pm, question from Anonymous, answered by lydiadavies 1

It is 2 months today that I haven’t relapsed. 🙀🙀🙀🙀🙀

11:27 am, by lydiadavies 1

Afew weeks ago I was flipping burgers.
Today I was helping being a builder.

What is my life.

On the positive, I have managed to get in on a new art blogging project happening in Glasgow (where I am moving to in September).

I have always loved art and fashion and writings, so am so excited to be able to contribute to such a project in the new place I will be living.

I have been struggling with money and career options badly lately, but this, although unpaid, reminds me of some of the things that I am most passionate about, and that I actually want to be able to do.

The above picture is of an amazing cost which I accidentally got today. I’m in love with it and have barely taken it off even though it has been HOT today.

Not much else to say, just felt like writing something!…

Peace&love

Lydia XXO

  08:00 pm, by lydiadavies 1

Great things that happened today:

I saw a pug the second I left the house

I went on a great run on the sea front

I washed my hair

I had a good lunch

I relaxed and watched neighbours

I got a potential trail at a vegan cafe I have always wanted to work at

I got my job seekers allowance approved

I met another beautiful pug called pip

I got money off Starbucks

I found 20 cigarettes on the floor

I roller blades home without falling

Buzzing.

  06:57 pm, by lydiadavies 1

Now that it is Monday again, I have a fresh week to plan.

Unemployment is so difficult as there is so much time to fill, and because I am earning nothing while I do it, it can make me feel pretty (completely useless)…

HOWEVER.  I need to remain positive, and focus on the useful things that I can do while I have this free time - 

continue applying for any jobs I see

write more of my second book

make my blogs as good as they can be and keep them up to date

do the washing

tidy up

sort stuff out that I dont need anymore

sell stuff

run

swim

be out in the sun

meditate

draw

read

walk

look for houses in glasgow

look for pug dealers in glasgow

write letters to people

decorate more vinyl

take photographs

this WILL be a good week.

the picture above is MAUI in Hawaii…  where I am determined to be within the next few years, even for a visit.  

  10:15 am, by lydiadavies 2

And here is a little Instagram snap if me and my best friend. My sister.

  09:04 pm, by lydiadavies 1

writing is release

I feel like a massive hypocrite writing this post - because of my previous post of my new blog of positivity.  I even started writing it earlier and then deleted the entire post…

HOWEVER.  Sometimes I have to write in order to refresh myself.  Getting things down in writing makes such a massive difference for me, and always has.  

I want to write about depression, and what it is like, and the problems it causes for people who have it, and those closest to them.

Lately, I have experienced several bouts of depression more severe than usual.  I mainly struggle with anxiety, and my depression remains pretty mellow due to my medication and other things.  

When I become suddenly depressed, I feel:
nothing
sad
confused
bored
useless
worthless
dead inside
silent - like I literally have nothing to day
angry - at myself for being self absorbed (it isnt self absorbed it is an illness like any other)
frustrated - at myself for feeling this way and for how it affects those i love
hurt
in pain
pointless
distressed

all of these emotions feel magnified by a million and there is nothing I can do except for sit with my feelings and acknowledge them until they leave me.  

I feel like such a bitch for some of the things i snap in this state - but at the same time i feel hurt by what others say.  Everything you hear escalates to something way more massive than it really is; and I become over sensitive.  

Although I get really upset with myself for being like this - and yes, I am aware ‘there are so many people way worse off’… that isnt the point.  This thought or comment merely makes the victim of depression feel EVEN WORSE about themselves for being depressed.  

Depression is dark, misunderstood, and an extremely difficult thing to deal with.  No one chooses to have it, and if you do you will know and understand how it can affect so many aspects of your life.

Im not sure of the point of this post.  I think i just needed to write something - and its more therapeutic than anything for me to write about how I am feeling.  

the main thing I know is that these depressive feelings will pass.  They will.  

  09:00 pm, by lydiadavies 3

hey cool dudes

if any of you are on blogspot I have created a new blog / project featuring fashion, lifestyle, trends, random stuff, food, fun life, less depressive material haha…

http://champagnedreams-nightclubskies.blogspot.co.uk/

06:01 pm, by lydiadavies
Today, is a very special day.

Today is exactly the six week mark of no relapses for me.  

Counting can be useful, however I don’t want to make the horrible mistake of `speaking too soon´.  I do however want to share this achievement, because I genuinely thought it impossible.  Like completely impossible.  I was 100% sure that I was stuck in the cycle of self destructive behaviors for good.  There was absolutely no way out, and I could not ever see there being any way out.  I was trapped, and almost accepted that my life would be that way forever.  I would just have to live with it.

It has not been easy, and the last six weeks have been extremely challenging at times, with many near slip ups, and loads of uncomfortable times.  I have taken out my frustration on the people I love the most in times when I was desperately trying to remain strong and not fall.  I would like to apologize to these people for these horrible moments, but I would also like to thank them for being there for, and with me, and helping me keep believing that I can do it and that I am worth more.    

I mainly want to write this post to let other people struggling know that it is possible to drag yourself out of the deepest points of eating disorders, SO DO NOT GIVE UP.  That although there may always be hard times, there are ways to deal with them so that you can live more happily.  That if I can go SIX WHOLE WEEKS, then so can you!  and if we can go six whole weeks then we can continue and go further.  

My boyfriend has been amazing, and to be honest is the main reason I have been able to manage this.  Love has changed the way I view myself and my ED´s, and has shown me that there is so much more to life than I realized.  I find it truly interesting how I have spent years searching for the thing that may turn me around, or make me want to change that badly that I will.  I have found it and it is amazing, and I am truly grateful for this gift that life has given me.  

STAY STRONG. XXO

Today, is a very special day.

Today is exactly the six week mark of no relapses for me.  

Counting can be useful, however I don’t want to make the horrible mistake of `speaking too soon´.  I do however want to share this achievement, because I genuinely thought it impossible.  Like completely impossible.  I was 100% sure that I was stuck in the cycle of self destructive behaviors for good.  There was absolutely no way out, and I could not ever see there being any way out.  I was trapped, and almost accepted that my life would be that way forever.  I would just have to live with it.

It has not been easy, and the last six weeks have been extremely challenging at times, with many near slip ups, and loads of uncomfortable times.  I have taken out my frustration on the people I love the most in times when I was desperately trying to remain strong and not fall.  I would like to apologize to these people for these horrible moments, but I would also like to thank them for being there for, and with me, and helping me keep believing that I can do it and that I am worth more.    

I mainly want to write this post to let other people struggling know that it is possible to drag yourself out of the deepest points of eating disorders, SO DO NOT GIVE UP.  That although there may always be hard times, there are ways to deal with them so that you can live more happily.  That if I can go SIX WHOLE WEEKS, then so can you!  and if we can go six whole weeks then we can continue and go further.  

My boyfriend has been amazing, and to be honest is the main reason I have been able to manage this.  Love has changed the way I view myself and my ED´s, and has shown me that there is so much more to life than I realized.  I find it truly interesting how I have spent years searching for the thing that may turn me around, or make me want to change that badly that I will.  I have found it and it is amazing, and I am truly grateful for this gift that life has given me.  

STAY STRONG. XXO

05:43 pm, by lydiadavies 4

Life in general:

New things I have been doing:

Running. Something I have wanted to do for so long but never had the time / energy / motivation.

Swimming. In the English sea. It was spontaneous and one of the best things I have done in a while. I felt so relaxed and just switched off. It was amazing and something I want to do as often as I can.

I failed at the burger flipping job and am now unemployed again and seeking work. I have walked round and round brighton and hove giving my cv to everyone and anyone and hearing nothing back. It is do depressing having so much free time and feeling completely useless. It is something that I am not at all used to and it’s weird.

Eating rice. I eat rice all the time now. Something I never thought I would do.
Rice is nice.

Saving money a little. Eating at home more. Smoking less? Having less Starbucks?

Being organised-ish. Planning my days, meals,weeks, ideas, washing. It feels better.

Making plans for the future. Looking for places to live in Glasgow. Thinking about different careers I could do and ways I could do them.

That is what I have been doing, not a lot but quite a lot.

Peace&love

01:15 pm, by lydiadavies 1

Life in general:

New things I have been doing:

Running. Something I have wanted to do for so long but never had the time / energy / motivation.

Swimming. In the English sea. It was spontaneous and one of the best things I have done in a while. I felt so relaxed and just switched off. It was amazing and something I want to do as often as I can.

I failed at the burger flipping job and am now unemployed again and seeking work. I have walked round and round brighton and hove giving my cv to everyone and anyone and hearing nothing back. It is do depressing having so much free time and feeling completely useless. It is something that I am not at all used to and it’s weird.

Eating rice. I eat rice all the time now. Something I never thought I would do.
Rice is nice.

Saving money a little. Eating at home more. Smoking less? Having less Starbucks?

Being organised-ish. Planning my days, meals,weeks, ideas, washing. It feels better.

Making plans for the future. Looking for places to live in Glasgow. Thinking about different careers I could do and ways I could do them.

That is what I have been doing, not a lot but quite a lot.

Peace&love

11:36 am, by lydiadavies 1