The red pill and its opposite, the blue pill, are pop culture symbols representing the choice between the blissful ignorance of illusion (blue) and embracing the sometimes painful truth of reality (red).

the matrix is an unreal film.  i usually hate films, but i related to this one ridiculously well.  

i think too much.  constantly.  i dont know what silence really sounds like, apart from when i have JUST woken up, like 6am.  and for a few minutes while i smoke a cigarette i hear nothing. then mid cigarette the birds pipe up, and then the thoughts start questioning.  and they continue untill i manage to fall asleep at night.  

i get very confused.  all i know about myself is some of the highs i felt last year, which were very very high.  and then the pain of the lows.  real real pain.  i remember the buzz and i remember the agony.  but before then i cant really remember who i was, or who i wanted to be, or what i did.  i wonder often how other people know who they are.  how they get up and get on with their daily routine, no questions.  how they relax.  how they do certain things without questioning or agonising over them.  how they just know who they are and how they act.  how their behaviour and thoughts are so set and they believe and know a certain something.  its as if everyone knows something, some great secret of how to live life normally, but i was never told.  i feel confused how people complete things and then get a job and then get married and then have children and then retire.  how do they know what to do or how to get there?!

im trying to work myself out.  but i think i definitely took the red pill.  

"everything is an illusion and nothing is real" is my favourtire quote.  It is from the Van Morrison song “Enlightenment”.  I dont think i am enlightened as such, far from it infact.. i do however think i see things differently to the norm.  My personality type is auditory digital.  People of this type often have a constant conversation going on with themselves.  attempting to find meaning and reason within things.  (save that for another blog).  

Apparantly a good 80% of the population took the blue pill.  they live in ignorant bliss.  they do what we are supposed to.  school-uni-gap yah-job-money-house-partner-reproduce-etcetcetcetc.. to me this seems sooooo fucking boring.  whats the point if its boring.  i want to understand what we are and why I am here.  

blue pill people tend not to question their reality as they are quite content living like they do and like everybody else does.  but that other 20% of red pill people have an understanding that EVERYTHING is and illusion.  no one really knows who they are.  each day we wake up we create who we are, we create our day, we make our story.  i dont believe that anything is real anymore, and i think thats why im absolutely content with sharing these words as i may come across crazy to the blues, but nothing is real anyway so i dont mind.


  09:43 pm, by lydiadavies 172
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